Update

     A lot has been going on the last few months so I figured I would post an update. I no longer have a Facebook so this is the only place to get any info about what is new with us. 

    Hayden and I have been enjoying our time here in Minot. It is a great town. The weather is cold and we love it. It has snowed a few times and the last few weeks have been in the 30's. We are still living in a hotel because it is free and the rent here is very high. The hotel isn't the best place to live, but it really hasn't been bad and we don't mind it. I have even started putting up a few Christmas decorations to make it feel more homey in here. We are thinking we will get an apartment sometime around February. Work is going well for both of us. My job has been a lot of fun and I enjoy working with the kids. I have made some good friends at work and that makes my job even better. Hayden still loves his job and tells me often how much he loves his work. 

    On September 21st I found out that I was finally pregnant. We had been diligently trying to get pregnant for 2.5 years. Those 2.5 years were very very very hard on me. It has been very hard to see people around me start their families when I wasn't able to. We were of course very happy to find out that it had finally happened for us. I went to my first appointment at 9 weeks along on Oct 25th. As the midwife was doing my ultrasound she could not find the baby. I had a feeling a week earlier that something wasn't right and so I had started preparing for it. It still shocked me even though I knew it was a possibility. The midwife sent me in later that day to get another ultrasound on the stronger machine. They were able to find the baby but they told me that it had stopped growing at 6.5 weeks and that my body still thought it was pregnant. I was still sick and having the symptoms of pregnancy but the baby had stopped growing. After a weekend of thinking about what we were going to do, the midwife encouraged me to wait for the miscarriage to happen naturally. I was more leaning towards getting a D&C so that I could just get it all over with and not have to deal with the pain of the miscarriage, but I went ahead and trusted the midwife and decided to wait it out. As I was waiting for it to happen my sweet, beautiful mom was so heartbroken that she couldn't be here with me, so she ordered a scarf for me online at Target and had me go pick it up at the store here. She said I was to wear it and that it was a hug from her. It really was such a huge comfort and I wore it for 3 days straight. She also sent me on a shopping spree to have some retail therapy. I continued life as normal for the next few days. On Oct 29th I started spotting and knew that the miscarriage was going to happen any time. My sister in law went through a similar experience twice and so I reached out to her and had her tell me what to expect. Once I knew what to expect I was able to relax, accept it, and let it all happen. The night of Oct 30 is when I started to have the cramping and contractions. I will spare you all of the details but it was 8 hours of INSANE pain and massive amounts of bleeding. It was definitely worse than I could have ever expected. My heart goes out to anyone who has ever had to go through it. I honestly wish that no one ever has to experience it. It was truly awful.

      Life is very unfair sometimes, but all you can do is stand back up when it knocks you down and keep on going. I honestly don't know God's reasoning for all of this, but I am trusting that there is a reason and it is for our best. I am very grateful for my amazing husband who has given me so many comforting words and hugs, my family who has mourned this loss with me, my sister who sent me a care package with all of our favorite movies from when we were growing up, and everyone who has prayed for us. This might sound crazy but I am also grateful for this experience. I now have a deeper care for what pregnant women feel and go through and, I now understand the pain that women suffer when they go though a miscarriage. Now let's just hope it doesn't take us another 2.5 years to get pregnant again.